‘A heart that hurts, is a heart that works’ Brian Molko does have point in the Placebo song ‘Bright Lights’. Although it does not always seem to be.
However when you have lived and loved, unless you are a totally bereft of emotions. You would have had your heart shattered at least once. When you are besotted with someone, it is true that we don’t always see the woods for the trees. I know that you cannot totally protect yourself, and it is important to take a risk for your own happiness. If you want to shield your heart from further sorrow, then here are my suggestions:
I. Pay attention to the warning signs- Has heard it said it so many times that some people have a knack of choosing terrible partners. Certainly when we first dating someone we really like, we are never our true selves. We are the best possible version of ourselves. The sad truth is that there are always signs of a person’s bad nature. Are they late for no good reason? Do they not make the effort to see you. Then they are not that into you. If someone is ordering for you when you said that wanted something else? They could have control issues. Are they eyeballing others and ignoring you? Sounds like a cad. If someone stands you up, then I say ditch them. If your gut is telling you that things are not right. LISTEN!!
II. Learn from your mistakes- When you are besotted with someone, we tend to hold onto the tiniest signs that reinforce our deepest desires. If your sweetheart has cheated on you in the past, unless they have taken HUGE steps to change their behaviour, they will likely do it again. Them simply saying that they love you and want to be with you is not enough. Words are worthless when they are not backed up with action. Hoping that they will change because you love them is opening yourself up to repeated heartbreak and disappointment.
III. Know your boundaries and stick to them- This is not to say be a stick in the mud and narrow minded. Simply put, it is just to say to others and yourself what you are open to, what you are prepared to be flexible to, and what you are not comfortable with. Everyone has the right to be comfortable in any relationship and not be made to feel bad because you disagree with what someone wants you to do. When you are young, you may have an idea of what you want, this will more finely tuned as you get older, experiment and generally live. If your partner puts pressure on you to do something that you do not want, that is not love it is actually abuse. Tell them that you will not be pressured and if they persist you should leave them. If you two are not compatible sexually then it is better to find someone whom you are on the same page with.
The tips above are only minimisers of a pain that is inevitable. Nothing can ever stop you from the desire to be close to someone who puts a spring in your step. It is the curse of what makes us sociable cretins, the heart when everything runs smoothly is wonderful. It provides warmth, empathy and kindness. However hearts can also be stupid, reckless and selfish. Only you can decide whether you with to be a martyr or a survivor.